It should come as no surprise that the BCS formula is derived less from the theories of Einstein and Pythagoras and more from the profound teachings of Vince McMahon.
Wait, what?
It's true. Every year, we get so caught up worrying about complicated formulas and rankings that we fail to see the forest for the trees. Does the BCS have flaws? Of course. Does the BCS make any sense? Not really. Do people still watch? You bet.
Sounds just like professional wrestling. Ironically, the BCS operates in the same illogical fashion, knowing full well that people will always tune so long as intriguing storylines are played out on national television. Doesn't matter in the least if none of it adds up.
So if just for today, let's try on replica title belts, break out our big boots, and bodyslam our wrestling buddies ... all while matching this year's BCS teams to our favorite professional wrestlers.
OKLAHOMA -- Rowdy Roddy Piper
While the Sooners might be more noted for their speed on defense and a timely defeat of Missouri, their calling card has been team attitude; just like Piper, they've carried chips on their shoulders all season long. Seriously, they're always angry. And likewise, Oklahoma has traditionally shown the same propensity to disappear and reappear from generation to generation.
GEORGIA -- The Ultimate Warrior
Hulk Hogan once described The Ultimate Warrior as a "flat character." Is that not Georgia? Other than a wild touchdown celebration against Florida, the Dawgs have no real defining characteristics. Likewise, they continually fall short of being THE team to beat in college football, content on going 8-4, 9-3, or 10-2 every season.
HAWAII -- Papa Shango
Nobody knows a whole lot about Hawaii. The Warriors come from a faraway land. Their culture is different. Their style is exotic. Their accomplishments can't be translated. And they're downright mysterious to the Eastern Standard Time zone. Yet, they've still found a way to interfere with the BCS in the same way that Shango once stormed a title match between Hulk Hogan and Sid Justice.
WEST VIRGINIA - Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Likeable and gimmicky, yet grossly unaccomplished, the Mountaineers have garnered much fanfare despite no actual accolades throughout their history. None. In fact, you could argue that West Virginia peaked during a failed title bid in 1988, the same year Duggan topped out by winning a Royal Rumble.
OHIO STATE - Jake "The Snake" Roberts
Has there been a bigger snake in college football this season? Calmly ... quietly ... the Buckeyes have slithered their way to the top of the polls -- not once, but twice -- and have now unhinged their jaws and swallowed up a spot in the BCS Championship. The only thing missing from Jim Tressel's neck is Damien, Roberts' giant Burmese python.
LSU -- Ric Flair
Though lacking the platinum hair or "Nature Boy" moniker, LSU has been impossible to kill and college football's ultimate opportunist in 2007, using plenty of risky eye pokes and testicular claws to scrape its way back into contention.
USC -- The Undertaker
Though a model for consistency, both USC and the Undertaker took steps backward in 2007. The similarities are uncanny, as both were significantly hampered by injuries that cost each shots at their respective titles. Still, both are main-event worthy, strike the fear of God into hearts of opponents, and exude a spooky confidence when on the big stage.
ILLINOIS -- Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka
The Illini is tough to root against, as was Snuka when he first burst onto the professional wrestling scene with his high-flying arsenal of moves. And just as Snuka was crushed by The Undertaker at WrestleMania 7, Illinois will get destroyed by USC (remember, they're The Undertaker) in the 2008 Rose Bowl.
KANSAS - Doink the Clown
No matter how hard you tried to rationalize Doink as a legitimate wrestler, he was still a clown. It was impossible to see past that. (You couldn't even take some of his wins seriously ... like that time he attacked Crush with a prosthetic arm.) That's been the rub against Kansas this season as well. At the end of the day, the Jayhawks are completely untested and unaccomplished and have never been taken seriously. But they've certainly been amusing.
VIRGINIA TECH - Steve Blackman
Frankly, Virginia Tech is a bland team. There is no glitz or glamour -- the Hokies are just kind of there, miraculously third in the latest BCS rankings. But they are a smart team with sound fundamentals and wise tactics. And just like Blackman, no matter how much you try to talk up their plain attack, it's not exactly a ratings draw. Ho hum.
Would you change this list at all? Leave your comments below.
***UPDATE***
Ty Hilenbrandt, the writer of the cnnsi.com article joined the gang on Leahey & Leahey Live in a great interview...Much Mahalo to Ty for coming on the show and we'll hear from him again soon.Checkout his work at cnnsi.com & yankeefanclubradio.com
28 comments:
This is some funny stuff. I don't like Hawaii as Papa Shango thouhg, anybody have better comparisons?
How about The Warriors as 1-2-3 Kid?
No matter how much he won, You always thought he was gonna get smashed by his opponent the next time. Yet, with his high flying moves and always exciting finishes, 1-2-3 Kid was crowned a Champion!
Chee to the Hoo!
- Rob DeMello
good one.
I like LSU as Hulk Hogan.
Whenever they lose, they got an automatic title shot again, and you EXPECT them to win it back.
THE ROCK....HEY WARRIORS ROCK, BELIEVE ROCKS, The wrestler, turned famous film actor, local boy, bet he believes, that's why he choose the name Rock, so Rock and Roll Hawaii, I would've picked the Rock, we are the Rock, in the middle of the ocean. Thanks for the article, you guys ROCK, rock on, rock on....Jesus is my Rock.
jiffy pops lsu socks em, I like the rock, they could've been w/lsu and like hulk, a reality show star and he's alright, but past tense.
amen bruthah.
How about Kansas as "Earthquake"?
Well, because if Head Coach Mangino jumped up and down, I'm pretty sure an "earthquake" would follow.
too funny hehheh asian women love you....saw that coach, man u right on with the earthquake, what about the lsu coach, miles, who he remind you of? No be too mean but one cry baby no? But he got his baba in the crib....hope he got diapers...eh you guys check out scout.com, no cause trouble, just read em, they jealous, sad, poor dogs in the doghouse....gotta howl and growl. FUNNY FUNNY GOOD 2 laugh u should watch Joe Moore on news during sports with the stink eye. Funny 2 watch, luv ya!!!
see kalae what u started? Where is everyone anyways, all on the Advertiser,espn,cbs,fox news sites I bet. Man oh man, controversial bowls this year. Especially for Hawaii........
I like that there aren't a billion people on this site though. It's a fun place to check out and talk about sports. Those other sites talk about everything other than UH Football and local stuff.
USC is the Rock. They're the most aesthetically pleasing and best talking team every year...and even though they're in hollywood, perhaps distracted by the glitz and glamour of movie stardom...when they make an appearance....everybody watches.
By the way...that last comment was by me, and by me, I mean Kanoa Leahey. I should've left it alone...because now I sound like an ass.
yup.
- Rob DeMello HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Hawaii should be Mr. Perfect. No explanation needed.
Missouri should be compared to Bret Hart, since they got screwed. I guess that would set Kansas up to be The Heart Break Kids, eh?
I say lets open it up to teams not even in the BCS this season!
I got The Brookly Brawler as Florida International, the reason: THEY SUCK!
Michigan as Ric Flair. They have won a bunch of title in the past but are way past their prime and when you see them now, eventhough they're nowhere near where they once were, when you see those helmets (Blinged out Robe) you get nestolgic and convince yourself they are good again!
Boise State as Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. The most succesful and crisp of the mid-carders. Have a big win over a big timer (Ric Flair/Oklahoma) yet need to keep proving themselves to the rest of the nation.
AWESOME POSTS GUYS!!!!
- Rob
Eh USC the ROCK? U nice Kanoa, but man, are you like spacing, like w/ your Dad talking about the planets aligning? Duane "The Rock" Johnson local stock, cannot take Hawaii out of him no matter how hard u try brah, yeah lucky thing you called yourself a name, cause I was thinking the same, but love you just cause you lame. (HEH) nah only joking, good job guys. Nice writeup, you need to go Hollywood Kanoa....oh no u already there yeah? Oh by the way check out Dawgpost.com forum about Hawaii's "weak" schedule. Only 3 comments.
Texas -
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
Much like Stone Cold was hands down the best for a few years, so too were The Horns with Vince Young. However, due to injuries catching up with him and Vince Graduating, both are now just a popular figure that talk about how great they once were.
Ohio State -
"Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase
Gotta admit they're good, but DAMN do you hate them!
Notre Dame -
Honky Tonk Man
Have won titles in the past, but now known for just having a pretty entertaining entrance, and irritating Manager/Mascot.(Jimmy Hart/The Leprechaun)
Nebraska -
Marty Jannetty
Should have never let Shawn Michaels (Tom Osborne) get away.
Northern Colorado -
Sid Vicious
Didn't Sid stab Arn Anderson once?
- Rob DeMello
Here's another one....
I think Notre Dame is Kurt Angle.
They're promoted (by themselves as much as others) as America's team. They get major exposure, and they have been part of some of the most memorable moments in the history of the game, but you're never sure whether they should be considered a "good guy" or "bad guy"...and it's not always easy to like them. But bad or good...they're always news.
- Kanoa Leahey
The Cast of Leahey and Leahey as Wrestlers:
Jim- Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. Just look at the picture. It Works.
Kanoa & Rob- The Rockers.
We will one day find out who'll be Shawn and who'll be Marty.
Felipe- Virgil.
Mainly because I think one day he'll be the Million Dollar Champ.
Hahahahaha!
We have a Winner!
Damn, I would have felt much more comfortable with a team that split up and both were succesful!
Like The "Strike Force" Tito Santana and Rick "The Model" Martel! Ariba!
- Rob
HEHEHEHEE too too funny All u guys crack me up, just cause wrestling is funny, just thinking of all you guys wrestling is funny, what a visual, sorry PAPA Leahey, from football to wrestling, talk about actors. Kanoa and Rob my faves, you guys are the Rockers!!!! But keep your names ok...and keep pants on don't think the wrestling outfits match but I can handle. Oh 2 funny!!!!
whoa.
I guess the WAC is the NWO! The New World Order is doing some damage to the old time establishment. BCS busting the fottball world the last two years.
JIFFY & BIG MIKEY CAN JOIN IN 2 CYA L8R GLITZ & GLAMOUR GUYS!
Florida State would be Tatanka. I don't think I need to explain myself on that one.
Illinois can be Chyna Doll, didn't know they were going to be there but they were, and are, and really shouldn't have be there....but guess they thought nice 2 look at... to play with.
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