Barnaby Times: Special Edition

The First Annual Barnaby Awards

Welcome to the first ever Barnaby Awards. The Barnaby Awards were created to honor (and dishonor) athletes who propel sports to new highs (or sink them to new lows). So get ready for the year end extravaganza.

Lifetime Achievement Award: And the winner is………..Spike Lee. While the Hollywood contingent of Lakers fans are coming and going, Spike is like a postman. Neither rain, sleet nor snow (nor million -dollar lawsuit, nor terrible record) can keep the legendary director from being a fan of his beloved Knickerbockers. No fair-weather fan here, folks.

Lee’s acceptance speech: I’d like to thank Reggie Miller for retiring. @#%$ you Dolan.

Player of the Year: And the winner is……….Tom Brady. Has a baby with Bridget Moynahan while teaching Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen how to play center. I assume Alessandra Ambrosio is next. Oh, and his team also happens to be 15-0 at this point. Play on playah.

Brady’s Acceptance Speech: “I’m Tom Brady, Bitch. Enjoy yourself”

Female Athlete of the Year: And the winner is…………..Hope Solo. Han’s daughter would not hold her tongue when asked about being pulled for a crucial game against Brazil in the Women’s FIFA World Cup.

Solo’s Acceptance Speech: ”I’d like to thank Greg Ryan for all his contributions to the US women’s soccer team and I’d also like to thank Brianna Scurry for continuing her outstanding play against the Brazilians. Thanks for all your hard work. It wouldn’t be possible without either of you.”

Offensive Player of the Year: And the winner is…………..Don Imus. That’s right ladies your favorite racist/sexist is selected for his work on his morning talk-radio show. He offended most of America with his comments about the Rutgers women‘s basketball team. However, America was not offended by his comments about the Tennessee women’s basketball team.

Imus’ Acceptance Speech: “Thank you to all those loose women who don’t know how to take care of their hair properly. Thanks to all those women who blame men, like me, for all their problems. And a special thanks to the reverend Al Sharpton because, if I don’t thank him he will demand I return this award. Keep your head up Isaiah.”

Defensive Player of the Year: And the winner is………….. Mike Gundy. For defending the honor of his QB Bobby Reid after a “GARBAGE” article was written about him.

Gundy’s Acceptance Speech: “I’M GLAD YOU FINALLY GOT YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!!! I’M A MAN, I’M FORTY AND ANYTHING ELSE YOUV’E HEARD IS GARBAGE!!! That’s all I got to say. These other nominees make me want to puke.”

Gundy also received the Denny Green Award for his excellence in post-game press conferences, in an earlier ceremony.

Best Dressed: And the winner is…………… Joakim Noah. This award was won by a landslide. The Peewee Herman like seersucker suit, that stole the show at the 2007 NBA draft, made Noah look like the nerdy cousin of Bizzy Bone. Joakim is definitely in the house.

Acceptance speech: (No speech, just Joakim doing that dance again)



Other awards presented in earlier ceremony:
- Best Director: Bill Belichick for “Spygate”.
- Best Actor: Isaiah Thomas for acting like he really wants to be with the Knicks.
- Best Supporting Actress: Jessica Simpson for supporting her man and acting like she knew what was going on in the game.
- Best Documentary: The Patriots Cameraman for “The Jets Sideline”.

That concludes our presentation of the First Annual Barnaby Awards. See you in the New Year!